Sexual Assault Response Services

Is There Consent?

Consent to have sex means BOTH partners consent to having sex. Consent is given freely, openly and actively. It should be in mutually understandable words or actions which indicate a willingness to participate in mutually agreed upon sexual activity. Consent should be thought of in terms of both partners wanting to have sex — NOT one partner failing to say no to the other partner.

There is NO CONSENT where there is ...

• Force
• Threat
• Intimidation
• Coercion
• Intoxication (alcohol, drugs, any intoxicant)
• Unconsciousness
• Any indication of a lack of willingness or participation by your partner

Consent to have sex, as well as saying NO to sex can be verbal or non-verbal. One person can tell the other to stop at any time. Anyone can have second thoughts or change their mind at any time. There is no such thing as an uncontrollable sex urge. It is never too late to say NO. It is never okay to continue sexual activity against the other person's will. Doing so jeopardizes your college career and you risk being arrested for a crime.

ACTIONS THAT INDICATE "NO"

• Not equally participating
• Tensing up
• Looking down
• Reluctance to go with you
• Avoiding being alone with you
• Not wanting to remain alone with you
• Cringing
• Appearing uncomfortable with what is going on
• Moving away from you
• Crying

The clearest way to say no is to simply say the word, "NO". Many people have difficulty speaking that directly in an uncomfortable sexual situation or with someone they know. Often the message is said in a more indirect way that does not make the message any less clear.

SPOKEN MESSAGES THAT MEAN OR INDICATE NO

I don't feel like it.
I don't know.
I'm confused.
I'm scared.
I don't want to go this far.
I don't want to get pregnant.
Let's take our time.
I don't like this.
I don't feel comfortable.
I don't want to get a disease.
I don't feel good about this.
It's getting late.
I think I've had too much to drink.
I'm not ready (for this).
Please!
Don't!
I don't know that I like you that much.
I know we've done this before but I don't want to now.
I only do it with someone I really care about.
I don't know you well enough.
I don't want to do any more than this.
Maybe.
I want to leave.
I need to go home.
I want out of here.
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LISTEN TO WHAT EACH OTHER SAYS.

DO NOT ASSUME WHAT IS MEANT.

RESPECT WHAT IS SAID.