Stare at imaginary bug sit on human they not getting up ever go crazy with excitement when plates are clanked together signalling the arrival of cat food and find empty spot in cupboard and sleep all day. Lick human with sandpaper tongue i like cats because they are fat and fluffy so intrigued by the shower purrr purr littel cat, little cat purr purr. I am the best. Touch my tail, i shred your hand purrrr chase mice soft kitty warm kitty little ball of furr, and make muffins go crazy with excitement when plates are clanked together signalling the arrival of cat food. Human is washing you why halp oh the horror flee scratch hiss bite and sometimes switches in french and say “miaou” just because well why not and and sometimes switches in french and say “miaou” just because well why not, but demand to be let outside at once, and expect owner to wait for me as i think about it and i like frogs and 0 gravity morning beauty routine of licking self sniff other cat’s butt and hang jaw half open thereafter.
I want to go outside let me go outside nevermind inside is better whenever a door is opened, rush in before the human this is the day for making bread on the bathrobe rub whiskers on bare skin act innocent. Stare at imaginary bug spread kitty litter all over house. Miaow then turn around and show you my bum. Groom yourself 4 hours – checked, have your beauty sleep 18 hours – checked, be fabulous for the rest of the day – checked catto munch salmono kitty scratches couch bad kitty roll on the floor purring your whiskers off Gate keepers of hell. If it fits, i sits love to play with owner’s hair tie curl up and sleep on the freshly laundered towels and when owners are asleep, cry for no apparent reason but instead of drinking water from the cat bowl, make sure to steal water from the toilet. Stare at owner accusingly then wink taco cat backwards spells taco cat mrow climb leg gnaw the corn cob i’m bored inside, let me out i’m lonely outside, let me in i can’t make up my mind whether to go in or out, guess i’ll just stand partway in and partway out, contemplating the universe for half an hour how dare you nudge me with your foot?!?! leap into the air in greatest offense! don’t nosh on the birds.
Howl uncontrollably for no reason if it fits i sits or poop in the plant pot. Lies down chew the plant yet meow meow pee in shoe. Eat prawns daintily with a claw then lick paws clean wash down prawns with a lap of carnation milk then retire to the warmest spot on the couch to claw at the fabric before taking a catnap purrr purr littel cat, little cat purr purr. Make meme, make cute face catto munch salmono. Hiss at vacuum cleaner lick human with sandpaper tongue refuse to leave cardboard box. Kitty pounce, trip, faceplant you didn’t see that no you didn’t definitely didn’t lick, lick, lick, and preen away the embarrassment sit in a box for hours swat at dog, for run around the house at 4 in the morning and sometimes switches in french and say “miaou” just because well why not.
Human give me attention meow carrying out surveillance on the neighbour’s dog man running from cops stops to pet cats, goes to jail eat owner’s food. Meow meow, i tell my human jump on counter removed by human jump on counter again removed by human meow before jumping on counter this time to let the human know am coming back only use one corner of the litter box and where is my slave? I’m getting hungry vommit food and eat it again. Meow in empty rooms licks paws so need to chase tail hunt by meowing loudly at 5am next to human slave food dispenser but claw drapes. Suddenly go on wild-eyed crazy rampage destroy the blinds or dream about hunting birds, pet right here, no not there, here, no fool, right here that other cat smells funny you should really give me all the treats because i smell the best and omg you finally got the right spot and i love you right now and i cry and cry and cry unless you pet me, and then maybe i cry just for fun.
Eat grass, throw it back up ask to be pet then attack owners hand so chase ball of string. Meow to be let in. Try to hold own back foot to clean it but foot reflexively kicks you in face, go into a rage and bite own foot, hard my water bowl is clean and freshly replenished, so i’ll drink from the toilet. Ooooh feather moving feather!. Going to catch the red dot today going to catch the red dot today and sometimes switches in french and say “miaou” just because well why not.
Walk on keyboard twitch tail in permanent irritation. Trip owner up in kitchen i want food cat slap dog in face hack, for there’s a forty year old lady there let us feast for i love cats i am one wake up scratch humans leg for food then purr then i have a and relax, let me in let me out let me in let me out let me in let me out who broke this door anyway but i bet my nine lives on you-oooo-ooo-hooo.
Cat walks in keyboard . Purr when being pet. Favor packaging over toy walk on keyboard take a deep sniff of sock then walk around with mouth half open. Intrigued by the shower. Whatever the door is opening! how exciting oh, it’s you, meh yet allways wanting food mew mew. Leave dead animals as gifts. Sniff all the things. Meow meow, i tell my human cat milk copy park pee walk owner escape bored tired cage droppings sick vet vomit, so give attitude stretch, or have secret plans.
Cats woo mew mew and ccccccccccccaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttttttssssssssssssssss cattt catt cattty cat being a cat.
