Confidential Resource Advisors (CRAs) provide education on sexual violence, dating/domestic violence, and stalking across the University of Maine System so that our campuses can better understand, recognize, and respond to these forms of interpersonal violence. If you have questions about these topics or would like more specific information, contact the CRA for additional support.

Sexual Violence

Sexual violence encompasses various forms of non-consensual sexual acts, including rape, sexual assault, and sexual coercion, as well as sexual harassment. While many people think of sexual violence occurring between strangers, the reality is it can occur in various settings, including in intimate relationships, within families, or in the broader community. Sexual violence is a pervasive issue that impacts everyone.

Sexual violence refers to any sexual behaviors or acts inflicted on an individual without their consent, including rape, sexual assault, and sexual coercion, as well as sexual harassment. These non-consensual and unwelcome acts violate an individual’s autonomy, dignity, and physical and emotional well-being.

Although definitions of sexual violence can vary somewhat depending on situation and context, these are general distinctions among the various acts:

  • Rape
    • Definition: Rape is a specific form of sexual assault that involves engaging in sexual intercourse without someone’s explicit consent.
    • Acts: Penetrating you vaginally, anally, and/or orally with any body part or an object without your consent.
    • Learn more about rape (External Site)
  • Sexual assault
    • Definition: Sexual assault is a broader term that encompasses a range of unwanted and non-consensual sexual contact beyond penetration.
    • Acts: Groping, fondling, forced kissing, or any other form of unwanted sexual touching.
    • Learn more about sexual assault (External Site)
  • Sexual coercion
    • Definition: Sexual coercion is a spectrum of acts that uses pressure, alcohol or drugs, or physical force to have sexual contact with someone against their will and includes persistent attempts to have sexual contact with them when they have already refused.
    • Acts: Making you feel like you owe them sex, badgering you into having sex with them, or making you feel threatened or afraid to say to no to sex.
    • Learn more about sexual coercion (External Site)
  • Sexual harassment
    • Definition: Sexual harassment includes unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature.
    • Acts: Exposing themselves or masturbating in front of you without your consent; discussing sexual relations or fantasies in inappropriate places like work and school; sending you unwanted sexually explicit photos, emails, or text messages.
    • Learn more about sexual harassment (External Site)

If you are interested in campus-specific definitions of sexual violence, see the University of Maine System’s Policy Manual Section 402.

Consent is a crucial factor in determining whether a sexual act is welcomed or whether it is a form of sexual violence. Consent is an agreement between individuals to participate in a sexual activity. It is an ongoing process of communicating your boundaries and what you’re comfortable with.

The acronym FRIES is often used to explain consent as being freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic, and specific:

  • Freely given: You make a choice about engaging in sexual activity without pressure, manipulation, or being under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
  • Reversible: You can change your mind about what you feel like doing at any time, and regardless of whether you have engaged in sexual activity before.
  • Informed: You have the full story/picture of what you are agreeing to do in a sexual act; for example, if someone says they’ll use a condom and then they don’t, there isn’t consent.
  • Enthusiastic: You do only what sexual acts you want to do, not what you feel you are expected to do.
  • Specific: You agree to do a particular sexual act on a particular occasion, and you get consent for any other sexual activity and other occasions.

Consent cannot be given by individuals who are underage, intoxicated or incapacitated by drugs or alcohol, asleep, or unconscious. Without consent, any sexual activity is sexual assault or rape.

It’s not always obvious when someone has been impacted by sexual violence. It’s better to ask and be wrong than to let the person you care about struggle with the effects of sexual assault. 

Here are some common signs that may indicate you or someone you know has experienced sexual violence:

  • Physical injuries: Unexplained physical injuries, such as bruises, cuts, or pain in the genital or anal areas or in areas around the neck and throat.
  • Emotional and psychological changes: New or worsening depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), nightmares, flashbacks, mood swings, and other unusual changes in behavior.
    • Anxiety symptoms: Increased fear, anxiety, or paranoia, particularly when around the perpetrator or when discussing the assault.
    • Post-traumatic stress symptoms: Re-experiencing the trauma, avoidance of trauma reminders, heightened arousal, or negative changes in mood and thoughts.
    • Self-harm or suicidal ideation: Engaging in self-harming behaviors or having thoughts of self-harm or suicide.
  • Substance use: Using or increasing use of alcohol or drugs as a way of self-medicating or forgetting the trauma.
  • Changes in daily life: Disruptions in daily routines, including hygiene, eating, etc., or decline in work or school performance.
  • Relationships challenges: Changes in intimacy, trust issues, or withdrawal from significant others, friends, and family.
  • Sexual behavior changes: Significant changes in sexual behavior, such as hypersexuality or avoidance of sexual activity.
  • Unexplained STIs or pregnancy: Contracting sexually transmitted infections or becoming pregnant unexpectedly.

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger or needs urgent assistance, call 911 or the Maine Coalition Against Sexual Assault (Eternal Site) at 1-800-871-7741 for help.

Supporting someone who has been impacted by sexual violence should be done with care, empathy, and respect for their autonomy. Everyone experiences and reacts to sexual violence differently, and what may be helpful for one individual may not be as effective for another. Allow their unique needs to guide the type of support you provide them.

Here are some ways to provide support to someone impacted by sexual violence:

  • Listen and believe: Start by actively listening. Offer a nonjudgmental and safe space for them to share their experiences if they choose to. Understand that disclosure is a personal decision, and don’t pressure them to share their experiences with you. Believe and validate their feelings and emotions.
  • Respect their choices: Provide support but avoid making decisions on their behalf. Understand they must make their own choices about if, when, and how they want to proceed. Don’t pressure them into actions they are not ready for, such as reporting the incident or seeking therapy.
  • Provide resources: Offer information about available resources, such as their campus Confidential Resource Advisor, local sexual assault support center, etc. Remember you are not expected to be the expert. Allow them to decide if and when they want to access these resources. Help them access these resources if they need additional support.
  • Offer practical assistance: Ask if there are specific ways you can help with daily tasks, such as preparing meals, running errands, or providing transportation if needed.
  • Respect their privacy: Respect their privacy and confidentiality. Do not share their story or experiences without their explicit consent. It is their right to tell their own story if and when they choose to do so.
  • Be sensitive: Be mindful of potential trauma reminders and sensitive topics. Avoid asking them intrusive questions and only discuss the subject if they are comfortable doing so.
  • Be patient: Be patient and supportive as they cope with their trauma and its effects. Be understanding if their needs change over time. Healing is a personal journey, and only they get to determine what that looks like them.
  • Encourage self care: Remind them to prioritize self care. Suggest activities that bring them comfort, and offer to engage in these activities together.
  • Check in: Regularly check in with them to see how they are doing and if they need any support. Let them know you are still there for them.
  • Educate yourself: Learn about the impacts of sexual violence and trauma. Keep up to date on the various resources available. Prepare yourself to better understand and support the person who has experienced sexual violence.

The key to supporting someone is to be present, compassionate, and responsive to their needs and choices throughout their healing journey. However, this can be challenging if you are not also taking care of yourself. It is important to practice self care to ensure your own well-being.

Supporting someone who has experienced sexual violence can be emotionally difficult. Seek your own support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist if needed. You can also connect with your Confidential Resource Advisor or an advocate at your local sexual assault support center for additional support.

Dating/Domestic Violence

Dating/domestic violence is a pattern of harmful and abusive behaviors within the context of a relationship. Relationships can include those between intimate partners and those within families. This is why domestic violence, dating violence, and intimate partner violence are often referred to as relationship violence.

Relationship violence is a pattern of behaviors used by a person in a domestic or intimate (i.e., dating) relationship to gain or maintain power and control over another person in the relationship. Abusive behaviors are not limited to physical violence and can include acts that intimidate, manipulate, or control a person or otherwise force them to behave in ways they don’t want to. 

Here are some common forms of abuse used in relationship violence:

  • Physical abuse
    • Definition: Physical abuse is the use or threat of using physical violence to cause bodily harm or death to someone.
    • Acts: Slapping, punching, kicking, etc.; pulling your hair; choking or strangling you; throwing items at you; threatening or using weapons against you; threatening or harming your pets; driving recklessly with you in the car; trapping you in your home or preventing you from leaving
    • Learn more about physical abuse (External Site)
  • Emotional and verbal abuse
    • Definition: Emotional and verbal abuse involve non-physical behaviors that are used to control, isolate, or frighten someone, aimed at undermining their mental and emotional well-being.
    • Acts: Calling you names, insulting you, or constantly criticizing you; embarrassing or humiliating you, especially in front of others; accusing you of cheating or blaming you for their own cheating; acting jealous or possessive of you; trivializing your needs and feelings; gaslighting you; threatening to harm themselves if you end the relationship.
    • Learn more about emotional abuse (External Site)
  • Sexual and reproductive coercion
    • Definition: Sexual coercion is behaviors that pressure and control the physical and sexual intimacy in a relationship, and reproductive coercion is threats or violence toward reproductive health or decision-making.
    • Acts: Holding you down, restraining you, or strangling you during sex without your consent; involving other people in your sexual activities against your will; forcing you to watch or to make pornography; refusing, removing (stealthing), or intentionally breaking protection during sex or preventing you from using it; forcing you to get an abortion or preventing you from getting one; threatening to tell family or friends about receiving an abortion; making you feel guilty for not having or wanting children with them.
    • Learn more about sexual coercion (External Site) and reproductive coercion (External Site)
  • Financial abuse
    • Definition: Financial abuse occurs when someone controls another’s access to financial resources, limiting their financial independence and decision-making.
    • Examples: Taking money you earned from you and controlling where you spend it; monitoring your spending and yelling at you for every purchase; affecting your ability to work, such as causing you to be consistently late or other issues that could get you fired; receiving your public assistance check and refusing to give it to you.
    • Learn more about financial abuse (External Site)
  • Digital abuse
    • Definition: Digital abuse is the use of technologies such as texting and social networking to bully, harass, stalk, or intimidate someone.
    • Examples: Telling you who you can or can’t be friends with on social media; using social media and other sites to keep constant tabs on you; monitoring or looking through your phone frequently; sending you unwanted, explicit photos or videos or pressuring you into sending them; texting, calling, emailing, or messaging you constantly.
    • Learn more about digital abuse (External Site)
  • Stalking
    • Definition: Stalking is repeated and unwanted attention, harassment, contact, or any other behavior directed at someone to cause them to feel fearful, distressed, threatened, or harassed.
    • Examples: Sending you threatening or harassing texts, emails, or other messages; monitoring your activities in person or online; showing up repeatedly at your home, school, or workplace; sending you unwelcome items or gifts.
    • Learn more about stalking

If you are interested in campus-specific definitions of relationship violence, see the University of Maine System’s Policy Manual Section 402 (External Site).

While domestic violence and dating violence (also called intimate partner violence) share similarities and the terms are often used interchangeably, there are differences between these forms of abuse. In general, the distinction between domestic violence and dating violence is their scope:

  • Nature of relationship
    • Domestic violence: Occurs within a broader familial (i.e., domestic) unit where individuals live together in a shared residence. Typically defined as abuse between current or former spouses or civil partners, or individuals who share a child; can also involve children, family members, or other individuals who are currently or formerly living in the shared residence.
    • Dating violence: Occurs within a dating or intimate relationship, typically but not always of a sexual nature, regardless of whether the partners are married or living together.
  • Settingof abuse
    • Domestic violence: Often occurs in the shared residence of the individuals involved, though the signs of abuse can be seen in other settings such as at work, school, etc.
    • Dating violence: Can occur in various settings, such as during dates, at social events, or in any place where the individuals spend time together, including at either partner’s residence.

Laws and legal consequences for domestic and dating violence may vary depending on definitions set by the state or jurisdiction. For information, see Maine state legislature Title 17-A, Chapter 9 (External Site).

If you are interested in campus-specific definitions of domestic and dating violence, see the University of Maine System’s Policy Manual Section 402.

Although each relationship is unique, there are common signs that may suggest abusive behavior. These may vary in intensity and frequency, and the presence of one or more does not necessarily confirm abuse in a relationship.

Here are some signs that you or someone you know may have experienced relationship violence:

  • Physical injuries: Bruises, cuts, sprains, or broken bones with inconsistent or vague explanations; wearing makeup or unusual clothing for the season or setting to conceal injuries.
  • Emotional and psychological changes: New or worsening anxiety, mood swings, and other unusual changes in behavior.
    • Anxiety symptoms: Increased fear and anxiety, particularly when around the abuser or when talking about the abuser.
    • Mood changes: Increased irritability or anger; fatigue or lack of energy; seeming more sad, tearful, or numb; sleeping too much or too little.
    • Self image: Low self-esteem or feelings of worthlessness; lack of interest in usual hobbies or activities.
    • Self-harm or suicidal ideation: Engaging in self-harming behaviors or having thoughts of self-harm or suicide.
  • Substance use: Using or increasing use of alcohol or drugs as a way of self-medicating, forgetting about trauma, or surviving the relationship.
  • Jealousy: Experiencing extreme possessiveness or jealousy from the abuser, especially of friends or time spent away from the abuser, including at work or school.
  • Lack of control: Being unable to take actions or make decisions freely; being threatened or intimated by the abuser; having access to financial resources restricted or taken away by the abuser; having employment or education sabotaged by the abuser.
  • Isolation and manipulation: Being isolated from family, friends, or support networks; being forced to depend on the abuser for basic necessities such as food, shelter, medication, or transportation; feeling discouraged from engaging in social activities, especially without the abuser present.
  • Stalking and surveillance: Feeling like or being watched by the abuser in person or online; having the abuser show up unexpectedly at work, school, etc.; receiving unwanted communication from the abuser in person or online.

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger or needs urgent assistance, call 911 or the Maine Coalition to End Domestic Violence (External Site) at 1-866-834-4357 for help.

Supporting someone who has been impacted by relationship violence should be done with care, empathy, and respect for their choices, including the choice to stay in their relationship. It’s important to remember that leaving an abuser can be extremely dangerous and may not be the safest action at a given time.

Here are some ways you can provide support to someone impacted by relationship violence:

  • Listen and believe: Start by actively listening. Offer a nonjudgmental and safe space for them to share their experiences. Believe what they are saying and validate their experiences and feelings. Don’t blame them or question their choices.
  • Express concern: Let them know you are concerned for their well-being and safety. Point to specific instances or areas of concern if you’re able to. Use “I” statements to express your observations and feelings without blaming them for their situation.
  • Respect their choices: Understand that leaving an abuser can be complex, challenging, and even dangerous. Empower them to make choices that are safest for their situation, then respect their decisions.
  • Provide resources: Offer information about available resources, such as their campus Confidential Resource Advisor, local domestic violence support center, etc. Remember you are not expected to be the expert. Allow them to decide if and when they want to access these resources. Help them access these resources if they need additional support.
  • Encourage safety planning: Encourage them to create a safety plan that includes steps to take in case of immediate danger, a plan for leaving if they choose to do so, and contact information for support services. Connect them with a trained advocate, such as their campus Confidential Resource Advisor or local domestic violence support center, who can assist them with planning.
  • Offer practical assistance: Ask if there are specific ways you can help with tasks and logistics, such as providing transportation or childcare.
  • Respect their privacy: Maintain their confidentiality. Do not share their story or experiences without their explicit consent. Remember that there may be people in their life who are close with their abuser, including family members, mutual friends, and coworkers, and discussing the relationship with others can put them at further risk.
  • Be patient: Be patient and supportive as they navigate their relationship and the effects of trauma. Recognize that an abuse tactic can be isolating them and making them feel like no one will believe them or provide help. Respect that it may take time for them to open up or take action, and let them know you are available whenever they are ready.
  • Encourage self care: Remind them to prioritize self care. Suggest activities that bring them comfort, and offer to engage in these activities together.
  • Check in: Regularly check in with them to see how they are doing and if they need any support. Let them know you are still there for them. Ask the them how they feel the safest being contacted and use that medium to contact them. Some abusers monitor their victims’ phones, social media accounts, or other forms of digital communication.
  • Educate yourself: Learn about the impacts of relationship violence and trauma. Keep up to date on the various resources available. Prepare yourself to better understand and support the person who has experienced relationship violence.

The key to supporting someone is not about fixing their situation or relationship but being there for the person in a compassionate and understanding way. This can be challenging when you recognize abusive signs that they don’t or won’t acknowledge, or when you want them to take actions that they won’t or aren’t ready to take.

Supporting someone who has experienced relationship violence can be emotionally difficult. Seek your own support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist if needed. You can also connect with the Confidential Resource Advisor or an advocate at your local domestic violence support center for additional support.

Stalking

Stalking is a pattern of behaviors that makes an individual feel fear and emotional distress. These behaviors include repeated and unwanted contact, attention, or other conduct that violate an individual’s privacy and sense of security. Most people are stalked by someone they know, such as a current or former intimate partner, a family member, or an acquaintance.

Stalking is a pattern of behaviors directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to fear for their own safety or the safety of others or to suffer substantial emotional distress. Most stalking behaviors fall into categories of surveillance, life invasion, interference, and intimidation. These behaviors can occur in person or through electronic means.

Here are some general examples of stalking behaviors:

  • Surveillance: Following or checking in on you; monitoring you through GPS, video camera, or another recording device without your consent; tracking your social media or online activity; asking family, friends, coworkers, or other people about you.
  • Life invasion: Texting, calling, emailing, messaging, or other repeated and unwanted contact; contacting people close to you to get information about you; showing up or waiting for you in public and private spaces; leaving you unwanted gifts or packages.
  • Interference: Forcing confrontations with them; damaging your property; hacking your online accounts; impersonating you online; sabotaging you through spreading rumors, public humiliation, or otherwise ruining your reputation.
  • Intimidation: Making direct or indirect threats to hurt or embarrass you; making threats to post intimate photos/videos of you or to post your personal information publicly online (doxing); threatening to harm themselves or your loved ones or pets; sending third parties to intimidate you.

If you are interested in a campus-specific definition of stalking, see the University of Maine System’s Policy Manual Section 402.

Stalking and harassment are similar and can overlap. Harassment may be part of a stalking pattern of behaviors. In general, what differentiates stalking from harassment is the element of fear.

Although harassment is typically irritating and bothersome, sometimes to the point of being deeply uncomfortable, victims of harassment are not typically afraid of their perpetrators. Feeling uncomfortable is not the same as feeling unsafe. Both experiences can be distressing for victims, but only stalking typically rises to the level of fear for one’s safety or for the safety of others.

Stalkers often use more than one tactic to stalk their victims, and their tactics can change over time in order to maintain power and control over their victims.

Here are some signs that you or someone you know may have experienced stalking:

  • Unwanted communication: Receiving persistent calls, texts, emails, or social media messages that may be threatening or intimidating, especially after expressing a desire for no contact with the sender.
  • Unwanted gifts: Receiving unsolicited gifts, letters, notes, or other messages at home, work, school, or other locations (such as being left in a vehicle) that cause distress or fear.
  • Surveillance and monitoring: Having someone consistently show up at home, work, school, or other places you frequent uninvited and unexpectedly; feeling like or being followed; feeling like or being watched, such as noticing someone consistently being in the vicinity without valid reason.
    • Cyberstalking: Having online activities monitored; seeing someone frequently checking your social media profiles or creating fake accounts/profiles to keep tabs on you; having your online accounts hacked for personal information; receiving threatening or harassing messages online.
  • Property damage: Finding evidence of someone entering your home; having your belongings tampered with or damaged unexplainedly.
  • Intimidation and manipulation: Being intimidated by someone through communication, physical or online presence, or damage to property; having your image or reputation damaged by someone spreading false information or rumors about you; having family or friends contact you on behalf of someone.
  • Feeling vulnerable and unsafe: Feeling vulnerable, uneasy, or unsafe; being afraid of what someone is capable of doing; feeling confused, frustrated, or isolated because other people don’t understand why you are afraid; missing work or school for fear of seeing someone; changing your usual or preferred online habits to avoid contact with someone.

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger or needs urgent assistance, call 911 or the VictimConnect Resource Center (External Site) at 1-855-484-2846 for help.

Supporting someone who has been impacted by stalking should be done with care, empathy, and respect for their experiences. Most victims of stalking talk to their friends, family, or someone else they trust about the situation before pursuing any sort of professional or legal help. If a stalking victim talks to you, your response makes a huge difference in if they feel validated or seek help.

Here are some ways to provide support to someone impacted by stalking:

  • Listen and believe: Start by actively listening. Offer a nonjudgmental and safe space for them to share their experiences. Take them seriously and don’t respond with disbelief or skepticism, or downplay their experiences. Believe and validate their feelings and emotions.
  • Focus on actions: Focus on the stalker’s actions rather than the victim’s responses. Even well-meaning questions and comments can unintentionally blame the victim. Remind them that the stalking is not their fault.
  • Provide resources: Offer information about available resources, such as their campus Confidential Resource Advisor, the Stalking Prevention, Awareness, & Resource Center (External Site), etc. Remember you are not expected to be the expert. Allow them to decide if and when they want to access these resources. Help them access these resources if they need additional support.
  • Encourage documentation: Encourage them to document stalking behaviors and incidents, noting names, dates, times, and locations of encounters. Use the free documentation logs available from the Stalking Prevention, Awareness, & Resource Center (External Site) for guidance.
  • Encourage safety planning: Encourage them to create a safety plan that includes steps to take in case of immediate danger and contact information for support services. Connect them with a trained advocate, such as their campus Confidential Resource Advisor or local domestic violence or sexual assault support center, who can assist them with planning.
  • Encourage professional help: Help them think through options, such as reaching out to their campus Confidential Resource Advisor or local domestic violence or sexual assault support center, or campus or local law enforcement. Victims may or may not want to take action. Respect their choices.
  • Respect their privacy: Respect their privacy and confidentiality. Do not share their story or experiences without their explicit consent, especially with their stalker. Remember that their stalker may have contact with other people in their life, such as mutual friends or coworkers, and discussing their experiences with others can put them at further risk.
  • Encourage self care: Remind them to prioritize self care. Suggest activities that bring them comfort, and offer to engage in these activities together.
  • Check in: Regularly check in with them to see how they are doing and if they need any support. Let them know you are still there for them. Ask them how they feel the safest being contacted and use that medium to contact them. Some stalkers monitor their victims’ phones, social media accounts, or other forms of digital communication.
  • Educate yourself: Learn about the impacts of stalking and trauma. Keep up to date on the various resources available. Prepare yourself to better understand and support the person who has experienced stalking.

The key to supporting someone is being understanding and compassionate and validating their experiences. This can be challenging when the stalking behaviors don’t seem scary or emotionally distressing to you. However, remember that minimizing stalking behaviors makes it less likely the victim will seek the professional or legal help they deserve to reclaim their sense of security and well-being.

Supporting someone who has experienced stalking can be emotionally difficult. Seek your own support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist if needed. You can also connect with the Confidential Resource Advisor or an advocate at your local sexual assault support center for additional support.

Policies and Procedures

Confidential Resource Advisors (CRAs) also help students and employees understand and navigate University of Maine System policies and procedures related to interpersonal violence:

For information about the policies governing the creation of the Confidential Resource Advisor (CRA) positions, see the State of Maine Legislature:

Confidentiality Notice

To maintain confidentiality of the individuals we serve, Confidential Resource Advisors (CRAs) are not mandatory reporters (external site) except in limited situations, such as disclosures of child abuse/neglect, disclosures from individuals under the age of 18 years old, or disclosures from incapacitated or dependent adults. For more information, review Maine law L.D. 1727, Title 20-A, §12986 (External Site).